Spiritual open adoption

Adoption is so dear to me for two different reasons, the first reason I want to talk about is the fact that, I have been blessed by the adoption of my son, who has made me a better person, and who has made me understand areas of my spiritual life that I did not get before.

Before he became my son (by the law) I dreamed of a perfect open adoption, I really liked his grandparents (I still do), I thought what a great opportunity for him to grow knowing them and feeling loved by them, and being my son. It sounded so perfect, so loving, so...naive.

As soon as he came to live with us, we realized he was raised in very different ways than our home, he was the authority, and he soon realized that he was now the soldier rather than the captan. He was part of the show, not the center of the show.

At the begging was hard, I can't deny it, but to our surprised he adapted very quick and happy, it actually look like he was enjoying the rules and the discipline, although many times would check if we really meant them.

But there was something that I started realizing, it was a change in him every time he spoke with his biological family, he would be more aggressive towards others, and way more clingy to me, saying "I love you mom" as many times as he could, hugging me as if it was our last day together, And when they visited him, the reaction would last a week or two.

At first I thought this may be, only, because it was too soon for him to realize that they were not taking him with them, but that he is with us, his for ever family.

As months pasted, he started to speak more and more, and say sentences like "I am your boy", "this is my home", "am I staying with you?", then I knew for sure he was afraid that this was just a momentary arrangement, that he was confused in where he really belong, and that open adoption was damaging his attachment and confidence of belonging to his new family.

I kept reassuring him that he was my son forever, that nothing could change that anymore. And he started to understand very well that. I started to investigate more about it, and found out that almost all of the kids in open adoption, whether they are two or twelve years old, experience the same re-actions. And that 80% of open adoptions end up closing them because it does damage the kid.

This has made me realize about "the spiritual open adoption", yes I was adopted too, by my Heavenly father, and yes, just like any other new believer I thought I could maintain an open adoption with my past, and soon realized that that doesn't work, for me to fully understand my new identity I need to stop my previous one, for me to be fully part of the Christian family, I need to be part of that family only, I needed to live by the new rules that my new father has for me. I want to be fully, not partially, be His daughter, to have the blessings of His family, but also, I want the responsibilities of my "spiritual last name", if I am going to be the King's daughter, I have to stop acting like some one else's daughter and keep his name on high.

Spiritual open adoption will only damage your relationship with your father, and will damage your view of who you really are now.

Your Heavenly father will always love you, but the confidence, the relationship could be compromised.

For my personal, and spiritual experience on adoption, I can say, let the past behind and belong fully to the new you in Christ Jesus, for whom you have received the spirt of Adoption.

May your new identity be fully after "your adoption", after Christ enter to rule your life, and never by who you were before Him in you.